tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
