No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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