your parents love me but you hate me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
