He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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