I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
