i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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