I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
