Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My life is pants optional.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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