Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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