she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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