she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
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OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
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if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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