i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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