Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize