He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
wow bdsm is so cute
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
