All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
