So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
