Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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