remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
