I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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