I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
