I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
