I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
