Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
