If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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