So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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