There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
