I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
