I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You work out of a Hotel?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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