We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
