I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
