Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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