I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
