so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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