I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
