I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
