it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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