My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
