My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
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I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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