her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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