my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
