i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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