When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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