dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
