So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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