What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
