You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
