If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
