is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
