How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
