apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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