you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
