Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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