I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
