Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
