You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
