those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
