So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
