You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
