I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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