Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
