come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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