We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
