And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
