Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
