Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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