yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
