The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
