I am full of burrito and curiosity
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
