You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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