I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
