I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
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There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
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No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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