did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
