If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize