she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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