so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
