can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
