we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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