dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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