He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
