you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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