My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
