we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
